I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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