Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
