every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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