Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
