Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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