Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
