I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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