it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
birth control should be required to get into college
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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