porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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