Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
