kristin has been a bad kristin
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
