It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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