Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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