I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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