What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
