Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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