Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
