haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
