I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
