Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
