haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
