i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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