the only muscles i have these days is kegels
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
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