I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
