I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
