when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
