About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
