yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Who died my cat blue again?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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