You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish you could order shots online.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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