you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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