Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
