Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
