This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
