Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
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The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
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I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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