She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
