We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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