Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
