goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
