you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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