Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
