that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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