I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We were destined to go to rehab together
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
