I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
high people should be assigned attendants
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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