i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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