I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
