you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
