I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
