last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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