i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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