When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
