I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
