i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize