So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
