I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
