I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
