my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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