i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
