ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
