Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
