So drunk its hurt
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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