Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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