we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
