If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
