Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
