Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
