You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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