I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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