We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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