I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
