I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
40s are totally the cure
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
